Lost
by xXMissJasperHalexX
Summary: Alice is trying to enjoy Bella and Edward's wedding...but she's lost without someone close to her. All are human.
1. Chapter 1

(Bella POV)

His lips tickled my neck as we spun around dancing that night, the moon shining brightly overhead. The wedding was amazing…everything I had wanted and more. Alice was a genius. I was to go and thank her for her wonderful job…but then I saw her and remembered what had happened.

(Edward POV)

Her laugh rang through the night, making my already huge smile even bigger. I lifted my lips from her neck and looked at her. She was so beautiful; it was hard to believe she was mine. I leaned down to kiss her lips once more, but I saw that she was turned the other direction. I followed her gaze…and my heart sank.

(Emmett POV)

She was so hot when she danced. My Rose, all dressed up and gorgeous, was dancing around me in such an awesome way that I cheered her on. Smiling to myself, I thought about who would love this just as much as me…and then it hit me. He was gone.

(Rose POV)

Even if it wasn't my wedding, I was having the time of my life. My husband whooped and hollered as I danced around them. I wanted to bring my sister with me to enjoy the fun. Spinning I around, I was about to ask…and the big smile that had been on my face fell.

The pain...it was hard to stand. It was eating her alive, tearing her heart in half slowly but surely. Why had she even agreed to come to this wedding? It didn't matter that she had planned it...she had also planned on having someone come with her. But he wasn't here. And he wasn't coming anytime soon.

Gripping the side of her chair, she froze when she heard the beginning music to Set Fire to the Third Bar. Were they trying to mock her? It took her a moment to realize she had planned this, to have a dance with her husband. She watched as Bella tried frantically to motion to the DJ to stop the song, but he wasn't paying attention. Her whole family turned and gave her a sad look. She didn't pay attention, she just sat there, trying with all her might not to start crying. Her teeth dug ferociously into her lip, blood appearing in her mouth. You can't break down here, not now...

She tried to distract herself, to drown out the soft song that was killing her inside, stabbing her already bleeding heart. People were beginning to get confused, wondering why there wasn't anyone out on the dance floor. Looking down, she saw the bright sunlight from outside bounce off her ring...and that did it. She couldn't take this anymore.

Getting up, she turned and ran outside, already feeling the coming tears. She didn't care anymore, not about anything or anyone. He wasn't here. What was the point of pretending she was ok? She wasn't and she never would be. Trying to escape the song still ringing outside as well as in her head, she burst into the Cullen mansion, desperate for this pain to end. Slamming the door behind her, she ran into the living room...and saw the picture on the table from the funeral earlier.

Sudden anger filled her, flowing through every nerve in her body. She asked herself a question she had been asking herself for the past few days: Why?

Barely able to hold herself together, she grabbed the picture and flung it away from her, listening to it break against the tile floor in the kitchen. "WHY?!" she screamed, though she didn't know who would respond. "Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go and get sick like that? WHY DID GOD TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, JASPER?!"

Sobbing, Alice Cullen fell to the floor, shaking so bad that she could barely breathe. She barely heard the rest of her family file though the front door, all of them hurting at the sight of her. Carlisle scooped her up in his arms, sitting on the couch. Alice felt people kissing her forehead, people hugging her and stroking her hair and wiping her tears away. But she was so dazed that she could barely register any of this. She was so sick with grief, like Jasper was before the leukemia had taken him in its deathly grip.

After a moment, she realized it wasn't fair to her family that she wasn't listening to them. Sitting up, she wiped her eyes and looked at all of them. They were silent, all of their eyes full of worry. "I'm sorry, to all of you. It's just..." She gripped Carlisle's hand, her breathing speeding up. "...it's just hard for me to...realize that he's gone." She looked pointedly at Bella and Rosalie and Esme, knowing that they would feel the same way if they lost their husbands. Bella hugged her, rubbing her back. "Alice, there's no reason to apologize to us...we know it's hard for you..." Rosalie and Esme were at a loss for words, unable to imagine the pain she was going through. Alice wanted to hug her back...but she just didn't have enough energy right now to do that.

Bella pulled away, and Alice sighed. Standing up, she ran her hand over her eyes, wiping the tears and the tired from her eyes. "Thank you, all of you." Her eyes filled with tears again, despite the fact that she was trying so hard to be strong. "I think Jasper would be thankful for all of you." She managed a small smile at them, then turned and walked up the stairs to her and Jasper's room. No one tried to stop her, they just watched her close the door behind her.

Alice looked around the room. It was just like before, when Jasper still stayed here with her. She ran her hands along the bedspread, trying to remember happier times. Lying down, she faced the empty space on her bed, thinking of how he used to lean over and kiss her. Her eyes wandered over to the clock, and her heart skipped a beat. Exactly a week ago, Jasper had lost his battle with leukemia. Surprisingly, she didn't begin to cry or sob. Instead, she turned her gaze towards the picture on the nightstand, of them at their wedding. Sitting up, she reached over and took it, taking a long hard look at his smiling face. She couldn't help but grin.

Looking down, she ran her hand across her swollen stomach. She felt a small kick on the palm of her hand. She felt a tear fall down her cheek, but as she spoke, her voice was surprisingly steady. "Your daddy tried hard to stay and meet you. But...God had a different plan." She felt another kick, as if the baby was listening. "He was amazing...he was going to be the best father in the world. But...you'll get to meet him someday. Maybe you can meet him before you come to me." The tears were falling faster now, but she was ok. It was all going to be all right, she knew it. Looking up, she could imagine Jasper meeting his son for the first time.

"I love you forever, Jasper Hale. And I won't ever forget you."

A/N: Wow. Emo much? Haha. This idea just popped into my head one day and I had to write it down. It turned into something more…I'm thinking about adding just one more chapter, depending on the readers' responses…SO REVIEW!:D


	2. Chapter 2

Couple Weeks Later

The constant beeping from the heart monitor was beginning to annoy Carlisle, but as soon as he looked down at the small baby sleeping in his arms, he was immediately calmed. He had been sitting here for a couple hours, waiting for the rest of his family to show up. Alice had, unfortunately, gone into labor when everyone else seemed to be gone. Emmett, Rosalie and Esme had gone hunting somewhere far, and Bella and Edward were on their honeymoon. They didn't seem bothered by the phone call at 2 in the morning, and had immediately jumped on a plane back to Forks.

Alice was fast asleep, curled up against the rails on her bed. Carlisle felt bad for her…it was a long 9 and a half hours of labor, and she was so small. He had tried to encourage her as much as possible, but he couldn't help thinking it would be so much better if Jasper had been there for her. But she had gotten through, and the look when she saw her baby…it was a whole mixture of emotions. Not just happiness and joy, but also…mild surprise. He looked exactly like Jasper, with the curly blonde hair and green eyes. She had expected him to resemble him…but not like this.

Carlisle wondered vaguely if she was afraid to see her child. He wouldn't be surprised…anything and everything that reminded her of Jasper sent her to blind fear and sadness. She had been getting better…but the arrival of her son seemed to have halted her progress.

Carlisle looked back down and was surprised at the small baby, his wide green eyes open and watching him. He blinked, then moved his hand a bit, trying to get used to the blanket wrapped around him. Carlisle smiled, enjoying watching him, and then the door flew open, with all of the Cullens rushing through the door. They all surrounding Carlisle, ooohing and aahing over the baby. "He's adorable," Bella cooed, stroking his cheek. "Look at his tiny hands, his tiny fingers…" Rosalie grinned when he grabbed a hold of her finger. Edward was silent, watching the baby with worried eyes. "He looks exactly like Jasper." As if by magic, all of their heads turned automatically towards Alice. "Oh, God, she must be hurting…" Esme whispered, but not moving. Everyone was silent, with just the beeping of Alice's heart monitor filling the room.

After a moment, Carlisle got up, still cradling the baby, and walked over to Alice's bed. She was wide awake, facing the wall, her eyes full of tears. Carlisle gently laid her son next to her on the bed, then backed away towards the rest of his family.

She was…confused. What was she going to do? The most reasonable thing to do was to pick up her child and act like an excited new mother. But…she couldn't. His face…it resembled Jasper's face too much. She loved her baby, oh God yes, and all she wanted to do was hold him in her arms, like she had been wanting to since the day she found out she was pregnant. But she was weak. If only Jasper were here, he'd know what to do…

The baby lying next to her was quiet, not crying like she had expected. He was…beautiful. That was what described him perfectly. His cheeks were a perfect shade of pink, his eyes the wonderful emerald green that Alice loved. He was the perfect size, perfectly healthy…Alice couldn't have asked for a better son.

Biting her lip, she slowly grabbed the bars around her bed, pulling herself up gently. Taking a deep breath, she slowly scooped up her son in her arms. He smiled up at her, glad that she was paying attention to him. Alice gave a small smile, but inside her heart was aching. He looked so much like Jasper…

Her family immediately rushed over to her, the girls covering her son's face with kisses. Her smile grew a bit, watching her son enjoy the attention. They all watched Alice closely, but tried not to be too obvious about their worry for her. But she could tell.

2:43 pm. Alice sighed, staring at the clock in dismay. One month of her life had been without Jasper, but it had felt like years. She knew it was only the beginning of the journey of pain and loss she would fell for the rest of he life, but she was already tired of it. After a moment, she turned her gaze down to her son, fast asleep in her arms. It was an amazing feeling, being a mother. She couldn't even begin to describe it. Her family had left her alone a couple of hours ago, to give her some alone time with her baby. She had been debating names for months now, but now she had the perfect one.

Jasper.

JJ, she decided she would call him, short for Jasper Junior. He had liked the name, smiling every time she said it. As JJ had started falling asleep, she began to replay the events of her day. She remembered waking up in the afternoon before, crying because of all the pain. She had called for her father and was soon in the delivery room at the hospital. The pain was awful, but she remembered what Jasper had told her before, when they used to talk about it. "No matter what, keep pushing. It'll all be worth it to see your son."

And it did pay off. When she first saw her son, crying and breathing for the first time, her tears of pain turned to tears of happiness in an instant. She just anted to hold him…but his face had startled her. She didn't know that something could look so much like her husband. But she had been strong, imagining what Jasper would tell her. She could almost see him in the room with her, holding her hand and kissing her face, like he always said he would.

She sighed, then laid down in her bed, gently resting JJ against her chest. He yawned, his little nose scrunching up, then dozed back off. Alice had to grin at him. She loved everything about her son, from the curly blond hair on his head to the tiny little toes on his feet. But there was one really remarkable thing about him that Alice thought was special.

He had been born on Jasper's birthday.

Alice wondered vaguely if you could still have a birthday up in Heaven, then decided that you could. God would let you do what you wanted in Heaven. Stroking JJ's hair, she looked at her wedding ring. She had already sworn to herself that she'd never take it off, as long as she lived. Her thoughts wandered back to her wedding day…and she smiled even more.

After a moment, she began to talk to JJ again, like she did before when he was still growing inside of her. "You're very special JJ…did you know that?" JJ yawned again, clinging onto her shirt with his tiny hand. "You know what I think? I think…God sent you down to help me. To save my life," JJ blinked, then looked up at her, his green eyes full of wonder. "Plus, God sent you on your Daddy's birthday…" She felt a tear fall down her cheek. "If only he were here to see you," Her gaze wandered from her son's tired face to the window outside.

She felt JJ move in her arms, and looked down to see him staring at a picture on the table. It was a small picture of Jasper that he had told her to bring…just in case he wasn't there. Picking it up, JJ's face lit up. She smiled, then held it out for him so he could see. He grinned, bigger than she had seen him all day. "That's your Daddy, JJ," she whispered, kissing his forehead.

Suddenly in a better mood, Alice looked up at the ceiling again.

"Happy birthday, Jazz,"


End file.
